disheartend

I’m not a goody two shoe... but when did common courtesy and basic values become uncommon and not basic its disheartening.   

Recently its been difficult not being disappointed with people. I try to be accepting, I think I have an open mind, but time after time I feel let down. Kids are blatantly disrespectful, adults are intentionally deceitful. People feel they deserve more than they give, wanting A+ pay for D- work (if any work at all). Expectations so high they have to fail, and when they do these same people get mad. I believe its this attitude that causes riots and depression. People no longer seem to believe that doing good is right even if you’re not getting some sort of reward. They thrive on making people feel stupid or lame for being honest.

I live in a fairly affluent area and try to prevent my girls from becoming the ‘entitled’ kids. Too many of the kids here act like BRATS and expect (and still get) all the new toys, phones, game boxes, cameras and cars. I’ve watched most of these kids then use their parent’s gift to deceive their parents. And these are the kids who are depressed. My girls whine from time to time that they don’t have all the things their friends do. It falls to me to remind them that no matter how much they have there will always be someone with more. I also emphasize they can have anything they want if they earn enough to get it (providing its worth having of course). I do this in hopes that they grow up respecting what they have and knowing how to earn whatever they like.

I’m sick of people standing around with their hands out, while watching other do the work. The truly insulting thing is those same people are making fun of the hard workers! Then claiming they helped when the work is finished and wanting to be rewarded.

As a side note totally unrelated, I HATE AGGRESIVE PANHANDLERS!

I’m not really going anywhere with this rant… I just wanted to let it out.

Invation!

It’s an infestation! This is what greeted me when I entered my bathroom this afternoon. NOT COOL! Ants have been an issue since the house was built. The builder said it was “normal” not to have concrete under the tub and under the shower stall, I think he just ran out and didn’t want to have to get more to finish. Each year I put out ant killer inside my bathroom (as seen in the photo) when I notice a handful of ants roaming around, normally it takes care of the issue. NEVER have I seen it like this before! Last year I even caulked the holes, I didn’t see an ant again for 9 months.

I’m thinking of gathering spiders from the garden and releasing them in this area, reducing my infestation to only have a few bugs!


Out to buy more bug killer….Now I’m gonna have nightmares.

River Tacos - great for large groups

This is my go-to recipe for large groups... it's always a hit and sooo easy! Kids even love it!


Serves 4-5  - Sorry no photo this time.
1 can kidney beans
1/2 can black olives sliced
1/2 teaspoon garlic
1 1/2 teaspoon lemon juice
1 lb grated cheddar cheese
10 oz sour cream
10 oz salsa
2 diced tomatoes
1 diced avocado
   diced green onion to taste

Mix all together.
Add broken corn tortilla chips just before serving (or they go soggy).
Serve in flour tortilla cones, made with 1/2 a burrito shell.

(When I make large amounts I like to mix in black and red beans not just pinto)


Enjoy but don't eat to much cause this will fill you up for hours!

This Is How I Do It

The other day a former boyfriend pointed out “how I am.” His assessment of the way I negotiate thru relationships was at first amusing. As I’ve reflected on what he said some morsels of truth have endured. I hold a belief that the foundation of what others think about us always has some grain of truth.

Here are a few constants that thread thru all my relationships.

The Before – I’m more like guys… Where girls bend and contort themselves to get into relationships and fit into the guy’s world. I do my thing and go on with life and let relationships come as they may. This can intimidate guys, having to make a move on a girl who’s not just sitting around watching him play video games and bating her eyes at him, a girl who has a life and is living it. If he’s not brave enough or he doesn’t want me enough to make that leap, he’s not for me!

The Beginning - So giving… I’m possibly too giving. I make my partners life easy, totally comfortable with a natural relaxed flow. Happily putting everything on myself and carrying it. Requiring very little of him… because I want to see what he voluntarily invest, what value he puts on our relationship, what he wants to contributes. During this time I reserve my heart for future judgment. If I deem him worthy, my heart is no longer mine it belongs fully and solely to him. Nothing, nothing, nothing could dissuade me away from him.

The End(s) –

1) If I realize he’s less than worthy… I’m out! This can be a problem for him because it feels like the end of the world. I made his life so easy that when I’m gone it’s hard for him to fill the chasm. For me life gets less complicated, thus making my transition easier.

2) If he becomes complacent in his role but expectant of me, I view this as the lack of value he’s putting on Us. To remind him relationships like plants die if not cared for is not my role. It’s like thinking… well you ate for a few years you shouldn’t need to eat anymore. All things deteriorate if not maintained. This is when I walk away and never look back.  I can seem heartless and unyielding because I won’t renegotiate, and I don’t do second chances. (Side note – Sometimes it’s a real problem when I’ve given my heart away then discover he’s not worth it, it can take years to recover. Part is pride and part is how fully I relinquish my heart).

I don't do post breakup makeups! 'Cause I know I'm the best thing you've ever had in your life.


That’s my pattern, my personal M.O.  

So after this chat with my ex I’ve been wondering if I should work on this. I’m not perfect, expecting someone else never to trip up seems unfair. But I also don’t want to compromise my values or expectations of my partner… Now I really don’t know what is right or what to do!

Samoas and a good friend!

How many people can you say that someone has driven over 26 hours with 4 kids just to see you on your birthday? I can! Turning 33 was harder than any birthday I’ve ever had. It seems so close to 40 and over the hill… and I still feel so young (other than the illness).  What a treat it was to have a friend come take me out and make me forget about all that.  We spent my birthday playing at a park and flying kites. Then dinner at Café Rio and a movie topped off the night.  Side note- I really enjoyed Water for Elephants.

Additionally I was given 4 boxes of Samoas!!! Best Birthday ever!

What is myasthenia gravis?

www.medicinenet.com

What is myasthenia gravis?

Myasthenia gravis is a chronic autoimmune neuromuscular disease characterized by varying degrees of weakness of the skeletal (voluntary) muscles of the body. The name myasthenia gravis, which is Latin and Greek in origin, literally means "grave muscle weakness."

The hallmark of myasthenia gravis is muscle weakness that increases during periods of activity and improves after periods of rest. Certain muscles such as those that control eye and eyelid movement, facial expression, chewing, talking, and swallowing are often, but not always, involved in the disorder. The muscles that control breathing and neck and limb movements may also be affected.

What causes myasthenia gravis?

Myasthenia gravis is caused by a defect in the transmission of nerve impulses to muscles. It occurs when normal communication between the nerve and muscle is interrupted at the neuromuscular junction - the place where nerve cells connect with the muscles they control. Normally when impulses travel down the nerve, the nerve endings release a neurotransmitter substance called acetylcholine. Acetylcholine travels through the neuromuscular junction and binds to acetylcholine receptors which are activated and generate a muscle contraction.
In myasthenia gravis, antibodies block, alter, or destroy the receptors for acetylcholine at the neuromuscular junction which prevents the muscle contraction from occurring. These antibodies are produced by the body's own immune system. Thus, myasthenia gravis is an autoimmune disease because the immune system - which normally protects the body from foreign organisms - mistakenly attacks itself.

What are the symptoms of myasthenia gravis?

Although myasthenia gravis may affect any voluntary muscle, muscles that control eye and eyelid movement, facial expression, and swallowing are most frequently affected. The onset of the disorder may be sudden. Symptoms often are not immediately recognized as myasthenia gravis.
In most cases, the first noticeable symptom is weakness of the eye muscles. In others, difficulty in swallowing and slurred speech may be the first signs. The degree of muscle weakness involved in myasthenia gravis varies greatly among patients, ranging from a localized form, limited to eye muscles (ocular myasthenia), to a severe or generalized form in which many muscles - sometimes including those that control breathing - are affected. Symptoms, which vary in type and severity, may include a drooping of one or both eyelids (ptosis), blurred or double vision (diplopia) due to weakness of the muscles that control eye movements, unstable or waddling gait, weakness in arms, hands, fingers, legs, and neck, a change in facial expression, difficulty in swallowing and shortness of breath, and impaired speech (dysarthria).

Heres a sneak peek at the fabric for my next quilt

And the design.

Photo from http://quiltbindings.blogspot.com/2010/07/graduation-quilt-for-son-tt3.html#comments

UPDATE - I know it's about time!

I've neglected my blog but I have been completing tasks. Here are some before and afters of a few of them.

Quil before

Quilt after

Serving tray before ($1.00 from Goodwill)

Tray after - yep its now a chalkboard!

Brown Fan before

Matte Black fan after

My job... and lack of real job is killing my social life.

What will I be doing this Valentine night... working.
Lame!


They just called me and begged me to work tonight. I'll be taking people from the airport to Park City at 9pm.Then at 2 am someone wants to go to the train station. What a waste of time! It will take me 8 hours and these are not the big money runs... so I'll make only like $10 bucks an hour and I'll be missing sleep.


However mine is not the saddest post I've seen all day. My friend poster on Facebook, "I'm wearing black today. Nobody better give me any crap about it, either! You all go and do nice things for your significant others today, I'm taking flowers down to a grave. Happy Valentines Day!"

I guess that puts it in a different light.

I think I want a (forever) Valentine? I know this surprised me too!

Its not that I mind being single... but I'm starting to get tired of being the "single friend."


Recently I've been spending some time with a friend of mine whose wife just passed away in November. Talking with him has stirred something in me. He has a deep love for his young wife (who passed after a long bout with cancer) and is struggling with dating again. Listening to him talk about not wanting to be alone reminded me that I am alone. This was a choice at first, after my divorce (years ago) I was against relationships. Bitter was a nice way to put it. But now being single has just become the norm and it may even be a rut that I'm living in. I've never been a hopeless romantic but I want to have someone to share my life with. I also don't want to waste my time on just anyone... I want to find the one who I can't live without and who I want to be with forever. 

I've watched my friends all marry and have kids. I date but not enough... I'm not sure where to look for him.

I may have locked away my heart. I'm not sure why, people have asked me if I'm afraid of rejection.... I don't think so, Ive never really been rejected. I know I'm an excellent girlfriend, in fact most my ex's will tell you I'm the best girlfriend they ever had.

I'm not really going anywhere with this... I was just thinking about it.... and needed to put it out into the universe.

[Added later - I just remembered that when I was 21 and first getting married all the people I knew in Portland Oregon tried to encourage me to wait till I was in my early thirties. I was absolutely too young to get married at 21... and now might be the right time to think about it at 32.]

Checks and not so balanced...yet

After reviewing the first 5 days of driving Limo I noticed something. In order to start the job I had to pay $37 to pee in a cup (aced it... no pee on me). Then I had to get an Airport Licence for another $124 (required by Homeland Security). New black slacks and shoes added up to $50. Grand total $211. This was about what I was expecting... Now what I didn't factor in was losing my Ipod Touch ($400) and my GPS ($150) and misplacing $360 in cash.  Nor all the gas (and time) I was going to burn going into work only to find out they gave my run away...the run that they'd just assigned to me hours before.
Overall after the first 5 days I'm in-the-red about $560 bucks.
So the question is... can I make enough during Sundance to reimburse me for all my losses?

Seems like a total waste of my time.


(ADDED LATER- I re-read this post and thought I needed to add something. I'm not a ditsy person... and I NEVER loose things. I've been known to hold onto a Bic pen till it runs out of ink. I'm also very organized. This job just frazzled you. Also at times you have to change vehicles 4-5 times a day... in a hurry! So things get forgotten. But in my normal life... I don't loose things!)

Karma come quickly!!!

Never in my life have I seen Karma swing full circle as fast as it did today.

Scene: My first day driving Limo for the year. The only car left, out of the whole fleet for 50+ vehicles, was the company owner’s personal vehicle… his brand new Cadillac Escalade Hybrid, his baby. I was given the o.k. to drive it but was specifically told to “take extra good care of her.”

After finishing my work for the night I was heading back to the shop.  Half way home another Escalade from our fleet (we only have 3) nearly side-swipes me while passing at 80mph on the highway.   I decided to stay close to him so I could chat with him when we got to the garage about his excessive speed. Less than 5 miles down the road he hits and kills a bull elk! This is the big one… bigger than a deer or a female elk, larger than a horse just a step down from a moose. It looks like he may have totaled his 65k car… I barely avoided getting into a collision with him as he swerved across the highway.

This is a photo of a smaller elk that did not get hit.

For those who worry, the driver was fine. But here’s the kicker, anytime you are in an accident you’re pulled from driving for a week. Sundance starts tomorrow, guess who’ll be getting all the work he was going to be doing? ME!


Of all this, the funniest thing to see was the police officer who thought he would drag the carcass off the road.  The elk had to weigh at least 1,200lbs. It reminded me of the scene in Princess Bride, when Wesley tries to lift/fight the Giant… and he doesn’t move an inch! He might as well have tried to lift the SUV outta the way!!!!

NatureMill Indoor Composter or rotting heap of food in my kitchen?

Years ago before I had a place to use it.... I purchased a NatureMill Indoor Composter, about 2 months ago I put it into use.

From the NatureMill website: "How it works: Deposit food waste any time, any day - up to 120 lbs (55kg) per month. For best results, cut items into small pieces. Items remain in the upper chamber under optimal composting conditions: mixing, air flow, heat, and moisture. The energy released destroys odors, pathogens, and seed germination. It is later transferred through a trap door to the lower cure tray , where it continues to compost while you add fresh items to the upper chamber. "


In theory this is the most wonderful product ever! Now lets get to the reality, first I need to disclaim that I should have read the directions. They clearly stated to place 2 cups of outside dirt into the chamber with some wood shavings and backing soda then allow it to sit for a week while it germinates "the good bacteria" (this is what brakes down the food scraps). As you can see in the photo above I started with a grapefruit and mushrooms... not real dirt.
After a few weeks of use the thing stunk! Every time you open it the stench wafted and filled the kitchen. It just smelled like rot and compost 'heat'. The smell overwhelming and not conquerable with any air freshener, in fact they seemed to make it worse!  I was also surprised to open the collection chamber (a the bottom) and see that it was full of water... stinky,smelly, moldy water. This was what prompted me to finally read the instructions.
Had I been mixing in the wood shavings the water would have been absorbed and would not have become an issue. Had I been using the baking soda the smell would have been diminished. Oh, and the starter dirt was an imperative thing for the bacteria. So I started over.
Now it only smells after I've had it open and I dry out my food scraps overnight before putting them into the composter to lessen the amount of water and wood chips inside. I still have not mastered the correct amount of shavings to add when I add 'wet greens' but I'm getting closer.
Today first batch of soil was done, it looks amazing, rich and dark! It's too bad that I cant use it inside on my plants because its to potent. I'm looking forward to using it in my garden this spring. Its just so fun to me that I'm using my old food scraps I would have sent to the dump to nourish and grow my new food.

Overall i've enjoyed the experience of learning about indoor composting. It takes a bit of effort but I feel its going to be well worth it when I grow my new garden.

Cookbooks are like bunnys

For over 10 years I've only owned one cook book. The moment I was given another as a gift they started to multiply like rabbits. Please don't misunderstand... I love them now, but i was a reluctant parent for them. Admittedly my favorites have a photo of every recipe... this way I know if I'm on the right track.

A job not a career... and Disneyland

No, its not perfect. It doesn't fill my criteria for a position that challenges me. Nor is it long term...but it will help cover my medical expenses while I look for a career that does fit the bill.

I start driving Limo again tomorrow.

This will be my 4th season driving limo and its a love/hate relationship. I love the people I meet and the parties I get to attend during Sundance, swag bags (full of expensive gifts), free food and ski passes. The "hate" comes with all the waiting and waiting... you rush to the airport just to sit and wait for 2-3 hours (note- wait time is not paid time). It's a game the dispatcher plays telling you the wrong time to make sure your there early... but then you have to guess how much time they buffered for you and go "late" but before the plane arrives. Meaning if they just told you the right time or flight number you could always be on time and not waste hours at the airport. 

Pros- full time work for 2-3 months. Paychecks. Leads for other careers through networking. The most beautiful view... being above the inversion.

Cons- hours are crazy.. its hard to have a social life. May negatively impact my health issue. Having to buy all new clothing because I gave all mine away when they didn't fit (now they would).

So now I'm planning a trip in late February early March to Disneyland. This will be the second time that my older sister and I have taken our "little girls" (AKA little sisters). They're getting to an age that they might not want to hang out with their waaaaaaaaay older sisters for too much longer.

Blood work -oops I cut myself - gross huh!

This bled FOREVER! So naturally I had to take photos!

Wish you could have seen my camera covered in blood... I was fumbling with my left hand after I had tried applying pressure to the wound... this did not work. I know its kinda sick... but strange.

Need to talk to my Dr. about my meds... they seem to be thinning out my blood.

This was the culprit.... a shard of glass was in the jar with the candy....glad it got me and not my girls!

Celing fixed - Week one 2011 - Project check!

Before- its been like this for a year.
Since the Flood of 2009 in the upstairs kitchen.

After - looks prety good.

Snowshoeing - just fun with friends

Ya, i'm sitting on the 6ft sign.

My Goal = Complete a project a week (or more)

Now that I have a new planner…Here’s my list of projects that I want to tackle (buckle down it’s a long one)

Remove rust and paint panel on my Jetta (old black car.. hope it matches)
     üFix lock on the driver side Jetta door (never lend your mother your car)
Kitchen –       Paint table - casters?
                        Make light for dining table
                        Walls
Quilt -             Finish binding quit 1
                       ü Sew quilt 2 (done 4/20/11)
Paint my new hutch
Decorate entry way
Rebuild scooter engine
Clean and organize my storage room
Replace windows in the Bug
     ü Paint old fan (done 01/26/2011)
     üRe- grout my shower (again, didn’t take last time)
     ü  Fix drill holes in my bedroom ceiling (done 01/02/11)
Hang scooter lamp, surf board and mirror
Frame art for living room
 ü  Sell elliptical (done 01/14/11)

So... you can expect to see future post of frustration and excuse about why I havn’t finish these projects yet. Peppered in will be a photo of a completed project. Now when I post these photos I will expect ooohhhhhs and aaahhhhs and accolades!